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Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory


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Oh Felesteen, We Love You So, We Will Burn You Up So The Jews Can't Have You

By Hamas
forest-fireIf you love something, set it on fire.

Beloved Land, we would give our lives for you. And we do, all the time. The depth of our attachment to you runs so deep, so strong, that we will start numerous fires to prevent us from ever being able to develop and cultivate you when we eventually vanquish the Zionist usurper and repossess you.

Thus is love. No amount of water can extinguish our passion for you, Felesteen, land of our ancestors, at least our immediate ancestors and not the ones before them who came from Egypt, the Balkans, Arabia, and wherever, as our family surnames attest. The Zionists warned that if our flaming kites and balloons continue, farming those areas will soon be impossible - and that is a sacrifice we are willing to make for you, our beloved Motherland, for that is how powerful our love for you has always been.

Even when we Muslims and Arabs had control over you, whether the parts we think we lost in 1967 but never actually controlled in the first place, or the rest we controlled in the mythic past before the Zionists and their Western allies dispossessed us in the nonexistent time when Felesteen was free and ruled by its indigenous Arab inhabitants, we demonstrated our love in similar fashion. So devoted were we to you, love, that we denuded the land of its forests, knowing that one day, the evil rapist scum Zionists would attempt to take you over and make you theirs, and we could not allow you that fate, our Sweetness. Better you should remain desolate, or, failing that, burning. Because we love you so.

When the villainous usurper Zionist dogs began cultivating you and bringing forth from you crops in quantities and qualities we could never duplicate, we knew how much you must be suffering. We shall free you from the prison of their wicked acts of farming, through blood and fire! Mostly fire, though. We have to save the blood for other purposes.

Do you feel our love, Felesteen? Do you feel the hot passion that burns in our hearts and veins, as well as in your brush, orchards, nature reserves, forests, fields, and arable land? That is the affection, the attachment, the devotion to you, to us, that will never go out. Unless the Zionists keep putting out those fires, the infidels. They know nothing of what love for the land is, can you not see?



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