Boy Who Stabbed Cites UN Chief: 'Human Nature To React To Homework' (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory. 

Check out their Facebook page.

---

Kfar Sava, January 27 - Inspired by United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon's refusal to condemn Palestinian stabbing attacks on Israelis, a high school senior accused of attacking his teacher today also characterized his act as legitimate resistance, saying it is human nature to react to too much homework.

Amos Doker, 18, was arrested Tuesday after attempting to stab his mathematics instructor. Witnesses said the two had an altercation regarding the burden of assignments given to the students to complete outside class time, during which the senior pulled a kitchen knife from his book bag and lunged at her. The teacher, a 40-year-old from nearby Hod HaSharon who was not named in the police report, managed to move away in time and called for help, and several other students subdued the youth. When police arrived, the assailant loudly proclaimed his right to defend himself from unjust assignments.

"You control my life - you're occupying my world," accused the teen, addressing himself to all the adults present. "I have to resist by all possible means to assert my independence and individual sovereignty. Just ask the Secretary General of the UN! He says it's human nature to do this! You can't arrest me! Arrest her!" he yelled at police, gesturing to the teacher.

Eyewitnesses reported that as police bundled the suspect into a patrol car, he continued to proclaim his right to stab his teacher. "She's oppressing me with homework! She denies my freedom of movement and association! They all do! All the teachers and the principal too! I have no choice but to fight back with random violence! Ban Ki-Moon said so!" The rest of his words were muffled after the arresting officers shut the door.

The boy's attorney, Zehavi Gal-Un, blamed the Minister of Education for the incident. "Naftali Bennett and his right-wing minions continue to oppress the students of this country by making them complete onerous assignments and sit for brutal exams, and to what end?" he challenged. "It's not as if anyone is going to get a job in this economy. The students legitimately have no other option than resistance, and yes, sometimes there is no choice but violet resistance. The blame lies squarely in the lap of those who created this situation."

Ministry officials dismissed the accusation. "It is fundamentally bigoted to say the students have no choice," said a ministry spokesman. "Millions of students around the world face similar circumstances and for some reason do not go around stabbing people. Students have a choice in whether or not to attack faculty, and to act as if they have no volition is to remove their individuality and humanity."

At press time, this reporter was considering stabbing his managing editor for refusing the raise he'd requested.

---

We have lots of ideas, but we need more resources to be even more effective. Please donate today to help get the message out and to help defend Israel.

$5 : $5.00 USD - monthly $10 : $10.00 USD - monthly $25 : $25.00 USD - monthly $50 : $50.00 USD - monthly $100 : $100.00 USD - monthly $250 : $250.00 USD - monthly $500 : $500.00 USD - monthly