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Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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Inline image 1Tel Aviv, May 10 - The Israeli military deployed a D-9 armored bulldozer this afternoon to destroy spurious charges leveled by self-proclaimed whistleblower group Breaking the Silence that the Israel Defense Forces have systematically mistreated Palestinians under military rule.

The Caterpillar-produced machine dispatched the flimsy structure within minutes, following a brief confrontation during which a Breaking the Silence activist spouted distortions and falsehoods regarding his behavior toward Palestinians when he served in the IDF.

Armored bulldozers have seen frequent use by the Israeli military, most notably during operations against Palestinian militants, but also when standard heavy equipment proves inadequate or unsafe to deploy during the destruction of convicted terrorists' homes. The use of a D-9 to demolish fabricated claims of Israeli misconduct against Palestinians is less frequent, as under most circumstances the willful distortions collapse under their own weight after a short period.

Engineering unit commander Col. Dahpor Meshurian told reporters that in this case, an armored D-9 was selected for the task even though the claims made against the IDF were no more robust than the usual Breaking the Silence and B'tselem accusations. "Other equipment was busy performing other tasks such as helping to construct an underground barrier to Hamas tunnels from Gaza," he explained. "We had both D-9s and D-10s available, but chose the smaller model because it was overkill already."

Human Rights groups were quick to condemn Israel for the move. "That was a disproportionate response," asserted Ken Roth of Human Rights Watch. "Breaking the Silence have a basic right to their narrative, which is that Israel is an unmitigated evil whose presence in the Middle East must be eliminated because it makes Arabs and Muslims feel inadequate, which is a cardinal sin in human rights. Crushing that narrative with blunt wielding of facts and corroborated eyewitness testimony runs roughshod over the feelings of the patriots who want to compromise their fellow citizens' safety and security in order to make a moral or political point, and of course to feel virtuous and persecuted."

Palestinian diplomats urged their allies in the United Nations to call an emergency session of the Security Council to discuss the latest Israeli violation of international norms with the demolition. The prospects of any resolution condemning Israel appear murky at this stage, given declared US support for Israel and American veto power on the Council. According to aides, US Ambassador Nikki Haley is exploring the possibility of bringing a similar bulldozer to the UN for purposes of demolishing hypocritical anti-Israel measures put forth by UNSC member states

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