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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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I Only Yell At Jews, Because You Have To Start Somewhere
By Hippo Critt, BDS Activist
Credit: Takver, via Wikimedia Commons
Credit: Takver, via Wikimedia Commons
Berkeley, March 22 - It takes a certain amount of gall to accuse social justice activist such as I of prejudice. Just because I reserve all my vitriol for Jews doesn't mean I'm an antisemite. I just know I can't possibly fight all the wrongs being done in the world in my limited lifetime, so I've confined myself to the wrongs I see being done or condoned by Jews.

If you bring real honesty to this, you will realize just how unfair the charge of antisemitism is. I'm not opposed to Jews - I'm opposed to all injustice, whether committed by Jews or by others. There simply are not enough hours in the day, or days in the week, to cover all human misdeeds, so I have decided to limit my social action to Jewish misdeeds, whether real or perceived. The fact that you see antisemitism in my expressions of social conscience says more about you than it does about me.

Why do you need to see antisemitism everywhere you see Jews attacked when no one else is singled out for identical or similar offenses? I can be perfectly bias-free and still only see the need to call out Jewish or Israeli offenses for reasons entirely unrelated to Jewishness or Israel per se, and it's none of your business what those reasons might be. Why are you oppressing me, you fascist?

You're Jewish, aren't you? I knew it. Not that I'm antisemitic. I couldn't be! I just knew it somehow. Maybe it was my visceral need to call you a fascist that clued me in. And since you're here, I'll take this opportunity to lambast you for what your people are doing to the Palestinians. You goddamn fascist. You're just trying to silence me by painting me as a bigot. It won't work - you and your kind always do that, but history should teach you Jews what happens to fascists. And to Jews who oppose them. Or support them. I have nothing against Jews. They just pop into my head first when I think of people I need to oppose when I fight oppression.

Other causes can attract other people. I focus on Jews. If there's someone who wants to agitate for BDS against China or Russia for occupying someone else's land, I have no problem with that! More power to them! Me, I focus on Israel and Jews. So if no one is actually taking up the cause of the oppressed Tibetans or the dispossessed Ukrainians, that's not my problem. I'm focused on Israel and Jews.

Because you have to start somewhere.



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