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Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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Roger Waters Announces Concerts In Tel Aviv, Jerusalem

Credit: Alterna2 via Wikimedia Commons
Credit: Alterna2 via Wikimedia Commons
New York, January 11 - Former Pink Floyd frontman and boycott-Israel advocate Roger Waters announced today that he will perform a series of concerts in Israel this summer, in both the cultural capital of Tel Aviv and the political and spiritual capital, Jerusalem.

A spokesman for the singer-songwriter told reporters that the announcement by no means indicates that Waters has departed from his pro-Palestinian, anti-Israel political stance. "Every single BDS activist uses Israeli technology constantly," explained Preet Ender. "I can't think of a single one who would specifically instruct the medical facilities treating them not to use inexpensive generic pharmaceuticals, most of which are made by the Israeli manufacturer Teva. And I don't see them lining up to ban the sale of cherry tomatoes, which are an Israeli invention. And I won't even mention instant-message technology, Intel computer chips, and the fact that our BDS ally Omar Barghouti got his PhD at Tel Aviv University."

Ender added that no plans have been made for protests or internet campaigns urging Waters not to perform in Israel. "It would normally be Roger's approach to hound artists who have announced performances in Israel, but the effect of calling on himself not to play Tel Aviv and Jerusalem would be incoherent," he noted. "Not that it won't happen, because incoherence is a thing with BDS in the first place, what with the declared-undeclared opposition to Israel's existence, as opposed to its policies." He did not rule out the possibility that Waters would delegate the harassment to other washed-up celebrities in the BDS movement, such as Elvis Costello.

Music industry insiders note that political ideology and commercial interests seldom mesh. "Waters himself has certainly not renounced profits from sales of Pink Floyd materials in Israel," remarked Arthur Facepalm, a talent agent. "Besides, if Arab countries that once boycotted Israel, not to mention the Palestinian Authority's own economic leadership, are investing in better commercial relationships with the Jewish State, it makes little sense for him to adhere to some ideologically pure policy when the people on behalf of whom he claims to be campaigning have themselves rejected that stance."

To assuage fellow BDS advocates who might feel betrayed or slighted by the concerts, Waters also announced that he would hold several benefit performances at American college campuses in the fall, to which only declared anti-Semites will be admitted. Proceeds from the US concerts, said Ender, will go toward a fund for grassroots BDS groups to build and run their own websites using the Israeli web-design utility Wix.

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