Pan Arab news site tries to analyze Jewish attributes using our jokes

Al-Omah, a pan-Arab news site meant to cover the entire Islamic ummah, has an article by Dr.. Walid Abdel Hai about using Jewish humor to understand Jews and Israel, noting how sociologists analyze jokes to gain further understandings in society all the time.

He gathered a decent collection of Jewish jokes to show how Jews think. Some of the jokes are funny. Some don't appear to be jokes by Jews at all. But either way, his analyses of Jewish attributes based on the jokes are hilariously antisemitic and clueless.

Joke #1:

ISIS arrested three  journalists: an American, a British citizen, and an Israeli. ISIS asked each what his last request was before his execution.

The American said, “I want a hamburger,” so they gave him his request.

The British man said, “Red wine,” and they gave it to him.

As for the Israeli, he requested that ISIS kick him hard on his ass, so the ISIS members did so.

The Israeli fell to the ground, pulled out a pistol he was hiding in his clothes, and shot and killed the ISIS terrorist.

The two other journalists asked him "Why you didn't kill him from the beginning?" The Israeli answered: "So that you don't say in your newspapers that I started the aggression."

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What did the author think this teaches about Jews? "Making a pretext for aggression."

Joke #2:

An American, his wife and his mother-in-law traveled to Israel as tourists.

While they were there, the mother-in-law fell ill and died. 

The Israeli authorities told the American that they can bury her in Israel for free. 

He strongly refused in front of his wife and insisted that his mother-in-law be transported to America to be buried there.

The Israeli official took him aside and asked him, "Why you insist on bearing the costs?"

He answered, "Jesus was buried here and rose after three days. I can't take that chance!"

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The Jewish quality this story shows? "Lack of confidence."

Joke #3:

Three people, one American, one from Sierra Leone, and one from Israel, saw a sign on the door of a butcher shop: "We are sorry for the beef shortage."

The American asked, "What does 'shortage' mean?"

The man from Sierra Leone asked, "What does 'beef' mean?"

The Israeli asked, "What does 'sorry' mean?"

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The Jewish attribute that the author thinks this shows? "Failure to admit responsibility."

Joke #4 (actually #6, I'm skipping some):

A customs officer at a Moscow airport saw a Jewish immigrant to Israel had a statue of Lenin,

The agent asked him: What is this? The Jew shouted back patriotically, "What do you mean? It is a souvenir of the workers' paradise here!" So the Russian let him go.

When he arrived at Tel Aviv airport, the customs officer asked him, "What is this?"

He answered to him, "This is a statue of Lenin. I want to put it in the bathroom so that I can spit on it every time I enter." So the customs agent let him keep it.

When he reached his new home, the Jew's neighbor asked him: "What is this?"

"Two kilos of gold." 

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The Jewish attribute? "Deception."

The writer is trying to shoehorn his antisemitic ideas of what Jews are like into our jokes!

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Finally, this joke sounds like an antisemitic Palestinian joke rather than a Jewish joke, under the summary of "Greed."

A person wanted to buy a plot of land to build on, so he consulted with a Jew, saying to him: "You Jews are smart. Which of the two parcels should I buy... the right piece or the left piece?"

The Jew told him the left piece, so the man bought the right piece.

So the Jew asked him, "I told you the left piece, so why did you buy the right? "

The man said, "I knew that you didn't say the right parcel so you could buy it yourself. You Jews are smart but you are liars."

(If this had actually been a Jewish joke, the two would have met later:

Gentile: "So I heard you actually bought the left parcel of land - why?"

Jew: "Because some idiot didn't take my advice!")

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