Our Lame Response To Zionist Aggression Will Come At A Time And Place Of Our Choosing by Palestinian Islamic Jihad (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Gaza City, May 11 - The brutal crimes of the Zionists will not go unanswered. Their cowardly targeting of our personnel and their families this past week deserves retaliation for which the enemy will not be prepared: we will follow our own timing and considerations when we offer our pathetic, underwhelming justice.

We will avenge the deaths of the martyrs Khalil Bahitini, Tarek Azaldin, and Jahed Ahman at a time we choose, in a manner that we determine, which will of course have no effect on anything except maybe scare some people and, who knows break some windows? Hit a rocky hillside?

We must how the enemy that his evil provocation will not go unanswered. Our answer will come at our discretion, on our timetable, not when the enemy expects and not when so-called "rules" or precedents dictate. Our answer, in the form of inaccurate rockets, abortive shootings, ineffective bombs, or impotent stabbing attempts, will hit them when they have become complacent, no longer anticipating such a bold display of weakness.

We will watch the enemy cower in fear as our missiles miss their targets. We will read of hundreds of thousands of Zionist usurpers trudging in annoyance to shelters as Iron Dome downs any missile that would hit a populated area. The minor inconvenience we will cause will avenge the deaths of our holy martyrs, and will finally free Palestine!

That last part might take some time.

But we have patience, patience the enemy does not have. The enemy rushed to kill our martyrs, not like our long game strategy, which relies on the accumulation of dead children we have placed in harm's way to fight the cognitive war against the Zionists. We can pick our moment. Our day and hour to wreak vengeance, our wispy, flimsy vengeance.

The cause of Palestine will always rally the Islamic world to our side. Except for the growing number of countries normalizing with the Zionist entity. Obviously not those. But the others! The ones who will normalize sooner or later. Our cause is universal and pan-Arab! This is why we get funding only from non-Arab Iran. it is why we are ever-closer to realizing the dream of a free Palestine. You wouldn't know it from looking at a map, or data on the defense and economic robustness of the Zionist entity, contrasted with the despicable, self-inflicted misery of Palestinians, but it is ever-closer!

Just like our useless revenge. Allahu Akbar!

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